i know this blog is dusty and people arent visiting anymore, but i just have this funny urge to type things out, and here i am. honestly i havent been doing anything to keep thing place up, gonna move somewhere else soon, havent decided where, or whether i should even start something new. do i even have time? gosh school's been crazy, and exams were bad, really. i wouldnt be surprised if i had to drop a subject to H1. man this feeling of leaving the exam venue feeling like shit cos the paper sucked so bad you couldnt finish even a single question really beats hell. damn. and stupid pressure from the parents, i have no idea why they're doing this. dont understand why, i've never experienced this stupid pressure before. cant take i just blew up and theyre still nagging and talking and 'hoping i understand and put all my effort into studies', but i dont make promises i cant keep! i know i cant, but i should just say okay alright i will to shut them up? damn feeling like shit now, really. typing doesnt really help, i'm just pushing everything that flows through my brain right now out onto the poor laoptop keyboard. i remember importing all my old blogposts from my blogspot to my onsugar. if i ever decide to move elsewhere i will start afresh. its like, i dont want to carry all these baggage of the past with me, it really reminds me of what i was last time and it isnt something i'm fond of. though i still cant say anything different today, it's all the same. i hate the way i do shit, i hate the way i procrastinate, i hate the way i keep convincing myself that nothing is wrong everything is fine, i hate myself for everything i do. but i cant do a fucking shit about this can i. its this screwed up dilemma that i'm stuck in, that no one can understand and i dont have anyone to talk to. family? theyre the ones causing this. sister? i dont know if she'll bother. she has more important things to worry about. friends? fat hope. we arent close buddies who spent like 6 years together. ive never had a common classmate from sec 1 to 4. sucks to be the shitass lonelly me. is it a good thing this blog s dead and i can fucking rant all the shit in my life? probably. though i'm hoping someone who can make a difference does see this and really help, cos parents arent doing their job in guiding and being there for their kids anymore. what screwed up, fucking shit world is this i'm living in anyway.
I think I think too much on loner bus rides. Don't get me wrong I like riding my bus alone but it really isn't a good thing when you think too much. That's when you think about the screwed up truths you'd rather not have thought about, but eventually one way or another you still will come to realize those ugly facts of life and people. It's a long story I shall rant on a weekend when I have more time, or maybe not at all. This blog isn't exactly private though I do have an incentive to post coz of some reason I want to keep to myself. but after reading through a sort of private archive I feel a hell lot better, I don't know why. I hope this horrible feeling goes away soon. Though I think it's just me.
2010 was over in a jiffy really. I still remember that day we got our school postings and I was rollerblading with with wenjie, jamus and xiying and got sunburnt so bad. and now we're 10-11 months closer to A levels. Man this sucks. I wish time didn't pass this fast. I heard this theory explaining why time passes so fast. As compared to when we were seven, for example, each year is now 1/17 of our life, not 1/7 as it used to be, so time in comparison will seem to pass faster. I don't know how logical it is, but It makes sense to me anyhow. I just hope that 2011 will be alright, and that I will study study study. I wanna mug hard coz A levels really is it. Dammit I'm scared already.
I remember that time when I was 11 and we all could go to see the national day parade preview. The fireworks burst, and the host was telling is to make some noise, and a medley of national day songs played. I remember so clearly, I was standing on the bench and cheering and singing, coz I was the only one. Come to think of it, it was embarrassing but I guess it doesn't matter. Why? Coz then, I didn't know and dint care, coz I wasn't afraid of being myself and who I am. I was young, innocent, too naive to think how odd it was being the only crazy odd-one-out.
havent been updating much, and i kinda feel like typing. but still i'm too bored and i dont have anything interesting going on that's worth sharing. uhm well there's a 4C outing on the 29th. there's guitar chalet on the 30th/31st. and a flea on the 31st. more excited for the last two! i'm setting up a stall with another friend or two at the flea. hopefully it'll be a hell of an experience i need something interesting going on. anyway here's a video. it's cute, like really really :) it made me smile coz it's just so cute!
5 days up there really isn't ever enough. and mid-winter isn't exactly the best time to visit this awesome place, but hey, something's gotta give if you want the fairytale, aka snow. so yeah it was great, but too short. i wished i stayed a week or so, then we could've gone to see the castles, and the BMW museum, and Salzburg. but still, the snow made everything better. went to the city centre to walk, strolled down an orchard road, walked through a christmas market, and it was mad crowded but it was so cold so the people didnt really make a difference. went to the dachau concentration camp and deutches museum, took many a jump shot at the camp since it was like, open ground and so big. didnt really go anywhere else, slacked in the hotel room watching mentalist. ohhman it was damn good patrick jane is such a bastard but i like. fringe was nice too, but mentalist is always the favourite :D anyway that pretty much rounded up the short trip. ohh and i watched despicable me (cute ttm) and the sorcerer's apprentice and salt and mentalist on board. woots wasnt a bad flight up or down :)
quote of the day: WE ARE NO LONGER BA ZHANG (粽子) YESSSS.
